contemplating..

makes me wonder

every move i make
i question the step
in which i should take
after i do something
i wonder why i did it
was it the right thing
was i supposed to turn left
but i turned right
then i think
if i do not believe in myself
then no one will
i am all that i have
no one can help me but me
that is quite a statement
it is true you know
no one will wake up with you
every single day of your life and
be in the mirror staring back at you
but yourself so why not begin to trust
yourself lindsay?
nothing seems as if it is real
it does to some extent just not to me
it feels as if i can not love again
i fell in love two years ago
but it was unrequited love
he knew but did not return the feelings
since then all the boys that have come
into my life have quickly made their exit
as fast or as quick as they entered
nothing lasts or has yet to last or even make an imprint
all that i do with those that enter
mean nothing
useless, wasted gestures, sentiment, emotion
if i second guess who i am as a human
as a life form on this earth
then i can not live
i need to take life by the hand and actually start living
living the way that i want
living comfortably in the skin i am in
maybe once i have come to terms with myself, my soul
i will be completely happy in all facets of my life
maybe. what if. only if.
what dreams may come...