Sunday, March 19, 2017

Candlelit moments

Even when there's no clear way to go, Listen to your heart There isn't anyone else in this vast world that speaks the same language as one's own heart. Our hearts are specialized to whisper, to guide, to lead us into our happiness, our soul. It is important to sit quiet in the candlelight, on a Sunday night, hair unkempt, things that need your attention, just forget about them. Pretend for a moment, a small fragment of a second that you're only existing in this space. That space that's calling your name, which resembles the dishes, to the emails- to the papers that need your tried and true attention- just erase them in your mind. You're free from those nags, those needs. What are emails? What are tests? When you're involved in this moment, wine in hand; nothing but silence surrounds you. Take in this moment, take in the glimmer of the candle's flame on the surface of your wine, turn up the music, soak in these feels. Be these feels. You're alive. In this moment, you're alive in the world. You're okay. You got this.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

time here

Here is time. Here is an empty space. Here's feelings. Here's the guided path of those who came before you. I've found myself contemplating the meaning of life, existence, our purpose for being on the planet-in the world part of the universe-- to live is to survive every second, every moment of time we have being physically bound in these bodies in this world on this ground To live a life helping others, serving others, loving other people just like you and me is why we're here--or so I think. Some people may disagree, you see. For this is me, and my thoughts in my head. My thoughts in my head do not make a sound to you. Your thoughts in your head are heard by you-and you alone if you do not open your mouth to speak your mind, or type, write, behave in such a way to illustrate your truth. The thing is we have to DO something in order to be heard, understood, loved, helped, changed. Maybe the reason why we exist is to make the most of the time we're given by doing-filling up the empty space of the unknown. The magical thing about life is, whatever it is you want to DO, it's completely up to you what you choose to DO-what action to take-no matter how big or small-you just gotta DO, something-anything. Hopefully that something you choose to do will not hurt anyone, and maybe it could help someone? You? Me? Them, us, those who have yet to be born...you get the picture. These thoughts fill my head, and make me quiet on the outside. I've got all this noise in my mind, inside and I don't know what to do with it, so I just think about this stuff constantly. In the moments in between driving my S.O. to the corner store. During the time it takes for the kettle to call tea time. In the spaces between falling asleep and watching Netflix in my S.O.'s arms. My S.O. asks me if I'm okay and says I haven't seemed myself since we reunited in Washington state after a month's time apart. Maybe I'm just not used to the stillness...maybe I just don't know how to fill the spaces between the routine. Just like the tall, bright-eyed middle-aged blonde-tall nonfat latte drinking woman said "..you reach an age and suddenly you realize you live for the routine." Maybe it's the fact that we know what's next, what's coming, what to expect with routines. Some people may love basking in the glory of empty space, while others, like myself-find myself drowning in existentialism. School starts back up in 5 days. Going to go write out my new weekly routine.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Canvas of life

When you think you know and you've known what you've known for nearly 30 years and you're suddenly thrown off track, derailed and your life as you know it has been totaled Where do you go? How do you start over? Who would I have been had my eyes been open from day 1? What would I have done? What would I change? What did I do because of you? Your reality is painted by the world around you Your family members are the paint brushes Their beliefs, the paint You are the canvas. You never realized that you are holding those brushes You can mix the paint and create many colors Your world extends far beyond the primary wheel of colors Just, never forget who you are Simba.


Sunlight enters your aura, ruffling your eyelashes, burrowing into your eye sockets Your cheekbones begin to rise Your eyelashes retreat to their prospective locations Sending smoke signals to the top floor of the building Do not send an SOS

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Letter to you

There are sidesteps leading to the departure of the past
And to the left of your future
The wind howls relentlessly reminding you to breathe
This is the last time you break your promise
The direction of the truth is in your heart
Don't forget to relive the happiest moments of your life and release the ones that paved your way to the present 
Inhale the truth, exhale the darkness
Close your eyes

Saturday, September 27, 2014


These days are filled with moments
Moments that come and moments that go
With you or alone
I'm here, inside my head, inside my body

I've never been so happy
With someone else
With myself 
In my body in my head 

I just want to be cold
I want to freeze
I need the adventure running through these knees 
I want to find solace under the trees
With you, with me
That's where we need to be

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

So far: 26.

Almost as soon as the clock struck 26
Something changed
Something clicked 
Time stopped
My whole world was rocked upside down 
Memories in my mind of what I would be float away like snowflakes in the wind
There are hundreds of pages I need to rip out of the story of my life in my mind
Back then I thought I knew what life would be like-I thought I knew what my life would be like
During Christmas,
In the snow-
In the office
All in my mind
Made up. Delusions.
Life is a gift. It's not to be taken lightly. Moments. We're not promised anything or anyone. 
Life. Learn. Live. Love.
Be in the moment. Be here.
Not there. Here.